By Amy Hanna

Let me start off by saying that I am far from perfect as a person and as a parent. I screwed up a lot (can I get an Amen for therapy?), but when I look at my two amazing badass daughters, I can’t help but think that I must have done something right. For this reason, I have convinced myself that I have knowledge to share, but please keep in mind that the two young women that I have raised are who they are not because of me, but because of them.

1. Freedom to Speak

In our house, words are taken seriously. I taught my girls from a very young age that their voice matters and that what they have to say is powerful, whether those words are productive or destructive. They learned early on that disrespectful words were not tolerated by me, whether those words were pointed toward me, toward their dad, or toward each other. However, I also taught them how to use their words in a way that got their point across without destroying the other person. As they grew into teenagers, they quickly learned that not everyone was raised with the ability to communicate. Friendships became difficult, relationships became difficult, and watching grown adults use words destructively toward them became confusing and frustrating.

They had to learn how to use their voice in a way that worked for the environment that they were placed, and that created a push-pull on their inner self and their freedom to speak. As they are now stepping into adulthood, they are realizing that some of the worst communicators in our world are other adults, especially adults in authority positions. However, because of their years of practice in learning how to communicate effectively, they are told time and time again how mature they are, how well-spoken they are, and how confident they are in what they say. They do not shy away from conflict or situations that would make most people sit down and shut up. Instead, they stand strong in who they are and use their words in a way that is powerfully productive, knowing that their voice matters.

2. Freedom to Believe

Being raised in a traditional Christian household where I was taught that missing church on a Sunday was a sin, I thought that it was my “duty” as a Christian mom to raise my girls in the same way. So throughout their childhood, they went to church every Sunday, went to VBS, were part of the children’s choir, and did all the things that good Christian kids are supposed to do. With a dad who was also a pastor, they basically lived at the church, running around on a Sunday morning, getting in trouble for playing in the baptismal, and sneaking cookies from the funeral trays in the kitchen. They were the typical PK’s (Pastor Kids for those who don’t know this term) and were loved by the congregation and also judged fiercely. This judgement didn’t fully rear its ugly head until their teenage years. I remember it like it was yesterday. My then 14 year old daughter who had spent an hour before church picking out the perfect outfit because she knew people were watching her (another Amen for therapy) was standing beside her pastor dad in the church lobby greeting people as they came in. A woman, who decided it was her role that morning to destroy a child, came up to my daughter and whispered, “Don’t you think that skirt is a little short for you to be wearing as a pastor’s kid?” My teenage daughter was horrified and never walked back into that church again…and I didn’t make her. Because, you see, that was a turning point for me too, where I realized that I had made faith equal to church and when the church fails you (which it always does) it means that you question your faith too. For the next several years, my daughters and my husband and I had open conversations about faith, about the Church (big C), about what is good about religion and what is destructive. As they have grown into adults, they do not go to church (gasp! I know) but they do have faith. They also are figuring out what it means to them to believe, not because they were told to or are supposed to or were raised to but because they want to on their terms.

3. Freedom to Be Themselves

Growing up in a three-car garage neighborhood in Indiana suburbia, does not allow for a lot of life experiences on diversity, so I made it my mission with my girls to give them opportunities to see the world outside of their bubble. I truly believe that showing them at a young age that there is more to life than name-brand clothes and TikTok has given them the freedom to find who they are and what they are passionate about. It has also made them loving toward ALL people and has made them all around decent human
beings. They also pride themselves in not fitting the mold of the space where they are placed, because they know the world is much bigger and much more interesting. For this reason, we have watched our girls have freedom to be themselves in their style, in their interests, in their beliefs, and in their future dreams. They are mold-breakers and I am here for it.

In summary, raising badass daughters is not for the faint of heart. This mama’s heart of mine worries on a daily basis (my ulcer can attest to that), but I know that there are big things ahead for each of them and giving them the tools to use their voice, to stand strong in their beliefs, and to have the freedom to be themselves is just part of my job as their mom. Now it’s up to them to live life to the fullest as badass women.

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